i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
They took my balls.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize