Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
