Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
