No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
