hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
