Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
