I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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