there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
