He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
