I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
