That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Randomize
