Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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