I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize
