You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Randomize
