I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
