Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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