is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
