Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
