Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Randomize
