she told me i tasted like america
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize