Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
You're like the curious george of whores
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize