I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
