what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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