Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
