im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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