I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
