This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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