Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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