So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
