and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
