She's JV to your varsity
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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