Soap is not a condiment
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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