I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Randomize
