Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
