i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize