sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
