On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Randomize
