I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
