Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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