I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Randomize