My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
