I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
The feeling are messing with the penis
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
