so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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