I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
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