how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
