It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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