I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Randomize
