I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
