highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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