I need help removing her.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
