so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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