I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
this beer tastes like vomit already
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
