absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
When did we convert life to cartoon?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
