peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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