I'm laying in your front yard are you home
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
they need to just BURY HIM!
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
