i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
