i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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