aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
