Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize