We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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