I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
