Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
