I am puke
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
