my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
