Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
