cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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