Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
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