Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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