every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
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