So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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