her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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