Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
