im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
