I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
