he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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