Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Drunk is not a location!
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
