Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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