The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize