what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
