I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
