I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
