you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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