just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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