Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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