Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Life is so much better after having sex.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
