it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
