Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
